This story comes to us from Sissel Johannessen, who took her beanie babies and her enthusiasm for teaching kids about Buddhism on the ferry to Saltwater Church in Des Moines last week. Thanks Sissel!

If you look straight out from the Zen Center across the waters of Puget Sound, you can almost see the Saltwater Church in Des Moines. The PSZC has long had a special relationship with this Unitarian Universalist congregation– their choir rocked the house with “Gate, Gate” at a midsummer Zen Jam, the stalwart “Saltwater ladies” sit through the night with us in commemoration of the Buddha’s Enlightenment, and three generations of a Saltwater family joined in a Family Zen Weekend.

Saltwater member and Zen Center friend Diane Schairer invited a representative of the PSZC Family Program to visit the Saltwater kids’ program to help out with their study of Buddhism, and last Sunday Dandan and I made the trip over. The church has been active for almost 60 years, and has a lively congregation- the church was full and the kids’ room hopping with about 15 kids ages 6-12. We borrowed the meditation group’s cushions, and started out with a belly-breathing practice. The kids lay on their backs and, balancing a variety of Beanie Babies on their bellies, concentrated on making the menagerie rise and fall with their deep breaths.

After this short meditation, I was prepared to tell all the best life-of-the-Buddha stories, but the kids already knew them all! The prophecies of the Brahmins about the baby Siddhartha- the kids knew them. The four trips outside the palace with the charioteer- the kids knew all four. The period of asceticism and the passing girl with the milk pudding- they knew the story. They even knew about the scorn of Siddhartha’s companions after he ate the girl’s offering of food. I did manage to get in the story of the meditation under the rose-apple tree (a particular favorite of mine), which may have been new to them. Evidently the Saltwater U-Us take their study units on World Religions seriously!

We talked a bit about the Buddha’s teachings about how to live a satisfactory life- to recognize and ride the waves of the constantly changing universe, and to see ourselves as part of the flowing whole. To emphasize the idea of change and flow, we played the Impermanence game- a brilliant and endlessly inventive game invented by members of the PSZC Family Zen program. A number of picture cards of everyday objects are laid out on the floor, and the kids match pairs or series showing how things constantly change form- sand into glass bottles, snow into streams into clouds into rain, cows into hamburger into kids, dinosaurs into vegetables (figure it out).

The room then flowed briefly into chaos, but order and concentration was restored with a brief meditation- the room dead-quiet as the kids sat and listened intently, counting the number of gongs sounded- fast, slow, loud, soft (thanks to Koshin for this one). A round of kinhin, and a deep bow ended our hour.

Many thanks to Diane and the Saltwater Church for inviting us, and for their dedication in teaching their kids so well about other traditions; and thanks to the Saltwater kids for an invigorating hour. We hope that the Saltwater kids can soon come over the water and meet the PSZC kids.

Jodo John Candy will be leading a dharma study series at the Zendo on Thursday nights in March–the 8th, 15th, and 22nd.  You can sign up here . He’s also giving a public talk at the Vashon Library Thursday March 1 at 6:30 about the dharma study series. In this interview we catch up with Jodo and get a preview of the series.

So Jodo–your upcoming dharma series at the Zen center is called “Self and World”. That just about says it doesn’t it? It’s pretty much the essence of Zen philosophy—what is this thing I call the self, and how does it relate to this thing I call the world?

Exactly. Nobody doubts they have a self. And nobody doubts that they have a world. Buddhism tends to look at things in terms of activities–we have the activity of self and the activity of the world. These two are always interacting–generally they take the form of interior and exterior. We act on these two activities in a way that we experience being pushed and pulled a lot–we’re kind of at their mercy. The goal of the class will be to have people be more comfortable with these two activities–the self and the world activity, to hold hands with the world.. If the self and world are two branches on the same tree, what is the tree, and what is that tree rooted in? We’ll look at that from a zen standpoint.

When you talk about the root of the tree, it sounds like you’re getting to the why–why do we practice? 

Yes–zen is about getting to our fundamental condition. But we never think about what is our fundamental condition. What is the origin of the self? It must be based on something. We affirm a self but we really don’t know what it’s made of. What is its foundation? And that cannot be separated from the experience of the world .The self and the world arise together. Do they have the same foundation? Does the foundation have a disappearing modality as well as an appearing one? Zen says these are things that can be studied, but conceptual understanding is unsatisfactory. But the answer can be found in experience.

So in this class we will try and get in touch with this very fundamental activity–we know it’s underneath and we’ll just be getting closer to that. And as you get closer you get more adept at it. People generally have some intuitive sense of the source activity–many people do. It’s been covered up by operational activity—our conventional operational activities are so sophisticated they cover it up.

We’re going to be looking at this foundational activity–we’re not going to be riding the horse; we’re going to be getting off the horse and looking at it. But of course, our situation is as they say, “ Riding the ox, looking for the ox.”.

So what will the class be like? How will you help students explore these concepts of Self and World?

There will be some texts that will be the principal focus points. We’ll go through these texts which are extremely concentrated and which bring up all the issues of Zen Buddhism. The text is very complex but there’s a lot of color in it too. So I’ll do a general delivery of the text and then point out some highlights to give it some context. Then there’ll be general discussion and open questions and answers. But it will all be considered in the paradigm of looking at our own experience. It’s not an academic scholarly look–we’ll be using the text to look at an exploration of our own lives.

Our investigation of the text will be for developing intuition and insight. And using these parameters that are perennial really throughout the history of humankind.

Self and other tends to objectify a world. This is an extremely important thing for Zen. Subject-object. Ultimately for Zen the world, the self, and their underlying reality cannot be objectified.  We will explore that as profoundly as we can. If subject, object and the relating activity between all have the same foundation , what is the nature of that foundation, that source activity?

You had mentioned students can bring in questions–what kinds of questions?

All questions having to do with zen, practice, and personal experience are welcome as long as they relate to the student’s earnest self enquiry.

What texts will you be using?

The first text is a lecture by Joshu Sasaki Roshi, a living zen master who is 105 years old this April, who is the founding teacher of the Puget Sound Zen Center.  We’ll also be looking at writings from the Chinese Zen masters from 1000 years ago and using a classic koan as a starting place for investigation. There will be auxillary texts and excerpts from the sutras. The readings will be interesting, beautiful, challenging , and inspiring.

How many sesshins have you done with Sasaki Roshi?

Not enough! Probably, a little more than 50 or so. My first was in the summer of 1978 at Mount Baldy.

Roshi says this practice is about putting your belly button right up against the belly button of the cosmos. And it takes some skill development to be able to do that and also gaining courage and becoming comfortable with that. But ultimately that is the greatest giver of peace.

Do you feel that you’ve gotten more adept at not just riding the horse, but getting off the horse and looking at it over the years?

Oh yes definitely. You just do it–you put your belly button forward and apply yourself with intention. and the medicine does its own work. These investigations–if they’re sincere–they’re like seeds that are planted. This is a fruit-bearing tree that will last a lifetime. It’s like discovering a spring in the hills. Before that your source of water was very erratic.  Now you know where to go to get your water.

But making mistakes is inevitable. I’ve certainly had more mistakes than success.

Like what? 

What mistakes have I made? All the mistakes. Being self centered , losing patience, getting angry. All the mistakes that are human. Sometimes lack of discipline, sometimes lack of gratitude, sometimes indulging, sometimes getting upset or being pushed and pulled by circumstances too much.

Who is this class for? Is it for any level of practitioner?

This is for anybody–everybody–anybody who is willing to look at how their mind works and how their heart relates.

Is this world a perfect place? The completion of all love and wisdom? Often we don’t experience it that way. But isn’t it true that most of the time this is due to our own fixation in a one sided position? How is it when no ‘I am ‘ self is affirmed, before thinking, naming and judgement? If we catch this very moment of innocence when self and world are unified, boundries and dimensions dissolve and feelings arise of joy, gratitude, peace, wonder, and love. So we will be looking closely at our inherent capacity for wisdom and love.

For some people, zazen is about getting tough–about pushing yourself to sit with discomfort and just deal with it. For me, it’s mostly been about getting gentle.

Zazen is a macho sport in a lot of ways. There’s lots of dudes, lots of poker faces. When I first walked into the Zendo last year, I think I thought being macho was the only way you could play: sit longer, sit harder, sit stronger.

My three-year old son (an extremely macho man!) has this strategy when he wants to vault himself onto the couch: he runs at it as fast as he can from across the room and slams into it. Most of the time, the very momentum he has causes him to catapult up on top of the couch, and he meets his goal. This was just about the same approach I took to sitting zazen, to running, to doing many things in my life–if I just kept going at it harder, harder, the same way, I was pretty sure I’d get what I wanted. This strategy had worked for me for a long time.

But zazen is about changing strategies at a deep level. And this, somewhat miraculously, is the gift it’s given me over this last year.

As I sat, I started to listen to a deep pain I’d been having in my lower right back and my right hip. I’d been having the pain for months–maybe even years. Sometimes my right leg would just feel weird and heavy and almost numb. So what did I usually do when I felt like this? I’d go run for an hour, just to show my leg who was boss. It would hurt for a while, but then, because of adrenaline, it’d stop hurting, and I’d think–I’m fine, I’m cool. I can continue running just like I did when I was 25.

But, as I continued to sit zazen, I was forced to listen to the reality of my body in a different way and I realized–dude, my back and my hip really hurt!! I mean, they really HURT!!

I am embarrassed to say that, even after I got this message loud and clear, I continued to sit through this pain for a while like an idiot.

What was I thinking?? I don’t really know. I know a lot of it had to do with not wanting to look weak; not wanting to stand out in a crowd. As a newbie, it was really intimidating for me to sit silently in a room with other people. For a whole hour. My thoughts went something like–”these other people have it so together. And they’re working so hard. I don’t want to disrespect their sitting time by being loud and moving around and shifting positions. And I want them to think that I take this work seriously too.” I also really liked the feeling of being more relaxed–that part felt right. Maybe, I thought, the point of all this sitting is to learn to accept the pain in my life, to stay relaxed even while searing pain cuts through my back like a knife.

You can hear how dumb all those thoughts are, right?? After sitting for a while, I began to hear just how dumb they were too. Nobody was looking at me while I sat in the Zendo. Nobody’s practice was going to be undermined if I got up and got a chair. Shouldn’t I have a wiser strategy for dealing with pain than, say, my 3 year old son??

So one day, finally, I started trying to help myself. I went through all the props the Zendo had to offer, but nothing offered relief for long. Not the kneely bench. Not multiple cushions. Not even the cool psychedelic stool in the library.

Then I had a flash of insight–my big blue yoga ball!! The ball that I had used while I was in labor with my kids!! I knew immediately this was the answer. This was the way for me to sit without pain.

I had some worries about taking a yoga ball into the Zendo. It would look ridiculous. Would I fall off it?? Would it roll around while I was up bowing and doing kinhin?? I’D look ridiculous. Would everyone think I was being disrespectful bringing that clowny-looking thing into the serious-looking Zendo??

Thankfully, by that time, the Zendo had become such a friendly place to me that I was comfortable enough to look ridiculous in front of everybody there. I knew Koshin well enough that I just flat out asked him if I could bring the ball in. Thankfully he said yes.

It’s many months later now, and the yoga ball has helped me through the worst of my pain. I have not yet fallen off the ball. The ball has not yet crashed disastrously into the Buddha, knocking over candles and setting the Zendo on fire. Through working intensely with several healers on the island, I’ve made some major changes: I’ve learned to stand differently, to sit differently, to walk differently, to SLEEP differently, to suck it up and wear ugly orthotic sneakers all the time, to stop running. All this is not about avoiding pain–on the contrary, it’s about actually feeling the pain and working with it as opposed to denying it.

I wanted so badly to be macho. And I think I have been macho in my own, busted-up-spine kind of way. I continued to sit; to find a way to do zazen that worked for me. I’ve learned to feel what I’m feeling and take appropriate action to deal with it.

Yesterday I realized just how far I’ve come with this “feeling what I’m feeling” thing. And the weird thing is, it not only helps me–it helps other people as well. Yesterday morning I was on a great walk in the sun, really enjoying my music and getting into the zone, but my right ankle hurt. So instead of keeping going like I would have done a year ago, ignoring that pain and causing further injury, I stopped, got down on one knee and retied my shoe. I was feeling stressed out yesterday night about making a fancy dinner for the kids and doing a ton of dishes, so instead of pushing through the dinner like I would have done a year ago and making everybody cranky, I fed the kids canned soup and peanut butter sandwiches instead, and we all went to bed with smiles on our faces. And when I felt like something I said might have offended a friend yesterday, I spoke up immediately and said I was sorry, instead of shutting my mouth in embarrassment like I would have a year ago, and then we both laughed about it instead of carrying weird feelings around all day.

Pretty macho huh?

Registration is now open for our March dharma study series with Jodo John Candy on “Self and World”

and our Spring weekend April 13-15 at the zendo

and our Family Zen retreat in May at Camp Sealth

Contact the office to sign up or register online! Spring Weekend and Family Zen retreat prices are currently at early registration discount.

The “Waking fully to living and dying” group is having their 2012 planning meeting this Thursday the 26th at 7:30pm at the zendo. If you are curious about what this group is up to, please join us!

The group hosted a packed speaking engagement by Dean Sharpe of Bend, Oregon’s Sacred Art of Living Center last November. The full 2 hour audio recording of the talk is available below, as well as a transcription of the first section.

Dean Sharpe from Oregon’s Sacred Art of Living Center speaks at Vashon Community Care, November 29, 2011:

transcription of the first 15 minutes of the talk

Sissel Johannessen brings us this poem from islander Dorothy Bauer in preparation for this week’s meeting. Some words from Sissel about Dorothy:

Dorothy Bauer was born in 1922 in Tacoma, and spent childhood summers on Vashon Island. She moved here permanently in 1983. Dorothy has produced a number (# 5 just came out, she’s working on #6) of small books called “Islanders Meet Their Neighbors,” which feature photo portraits and interviews with interesting Islanders. Dorothy donates the proceeds from her books to the InterFaith Council To Prevent Homelessness.

We got to know each other this past summer when I helped her out with her gardening after she broke her hip. She was interested by Dean Sharpe’s talk at VCC last November, and sent me a copy of her poem, which she has kindly allowed us to post.

A Nursing Home, Anyone?

Sometimes I think of Mother when she sat in her chair that day
Back in the 70s or 80s
In that little house on 35th.
She looked anything but happy.

My sisters, Kathryn and Sylvia, were in the kitchen
Wrapping dishes, packing glasses
storing kettles and pans in boxes.

Did Mother have pain?
Was it that sciatica?
Or was it the pain of leaving her life
Her life of making apple pies for the neighbors
Getting a ride to church
Having dinner for Bob who I was divorcing
She liked Bob.

I visited her at the Norse Home
They had put her in with a mixed up lady
Who didn’t speak Norwegian correctly
Mother tossed her head and tried to correct the lady’s Norwegian.

Her room was small
2 beds, 2 small chests of drawers, 2 chairs
Mother could bring her chair and a few clothes
And that was all of Mother’s life
After 90 years of living.

“Dorothy,” Mother said, “I wasn’t ready to come here
But I’m going to like it.”

That was Mother.

Now it’s 2011
My skiing, hiking children say, “Mother,
Old people in nursing homes who are cute
Get better treatment.
Keep your hair curled.”

Dad had it easy back in the 20s
He just moved in to Grandpa and Grandma Skov’s house
When he and Mother got married.
Their house was big enough for us 4 girls who came on fast
and the high school girl who moved in to help.

Grandma Skov made breakfast for me
And teeter-tottered with us on the beach at Vashon Island

Then I saw Grandpa all laid out in his black suit
I helped Mother empty Grandma’s bedpan.

Yes, Dad had it easy, Mother stayed steady, Grandma and Grandpa had it lovely, and I’m keeping
my hair curled for whatever might happen, and I’m hoping it will be my decision

-Dorothy Hall Bauer
December 2011